It’s been 1 month since I last wrote. There’s been a BIG YAY & a BIG NAY. Such as life right? Can’t be yay YAY YAY all the time & shouldn’t be nay NAY NAY all the time either! It’s because of the BIG NAY that I stopped writing because I couldn’t sit!
So what happened? Well, I woke up one Saturday feeling unwell, achey & stiff as if I am catching some sort of virus despite catching up on sleep from a very stressful period at work & no exercise for about 10 days. I thought to myself perhaps some stretching & weights in the gym would help loosen up. I did just that & I still didn’t feel good but ok i’m used to aches & pain anyway. So let’s cook dinner since my beloved Beach House family is coming home soon after 2 weeks of their sailing adventure holiday. They needed to be fed well & celebrate! I popped the chicken & vegetables into the over & went for shower. Just as I got out from the shower, I started to feel dizzy & really unwell. I quickly got dressed, blow dry my hair & thought… ok maybe I’ll lie down for a bit since I still have about 30mins before I needed to bathe the chicken & toss the vegetables. Dum dum dum… my entire back went into spasm and I just froze as I climbed onto my bed. Any movement by me sent electric shocks to my spine & I could barely crawl to place my entire body on the bed. I was in excruciating pain to the point of paralysis that our part-time helper was on the verge of calling the ambulance. There I was only two thirds in bed & unable to move.
Long story short – I was diagnosed with early stages of slipped disc (1st left diagram above), mainly due to stress, sedentary overdose from conference calls that I forgot to move & long term spinal degeneration from being a sporty girl. I was put on anti-inflammatory & muscle relaxant drugs complimented with physiotheraphy for 2 weeks to have a multidimensional solution to eliminate the pain so I can get on with life & get back into training especially with core strengthening first in this case.
This scare was a wake up call for me because as I suffered from this acute severe backache, all that stress meant nothing for my work or the senior management who made all these requests & caused all unnecessary stress in the system. In the end, the issue still persists & was just simply being tossed around like a hot potato by the management in their political arena. My bad that I didn’t realize I was that stress to my breaking point but that’s my personal standard… if i’m not at breaking point then I’m not trying hard enough. Regardless, here I was suffering from…
1) doing what I don’t enjoy doing or best use of my skills or any additional benefit to myself
2) couldn’t work & couldn’t play because of the painful condition I was in
3) as I earn money, I have just spent $1000 on medical bills to suffer.
WTF right? What a waste of my youth & life!
Like I said previously, if I am going to die working, I’d rather die living my dream. Clearly, I was fighting myself to fit into a place where I no longer fit. A place where no matter how hard I try will not deliver my dreams, my vision, my goals in life. Someone puts it quite funnily is as if I am breaking up in a long term relationship that I have grown & moved on but my partner is still in the same place. To me, this is more like sailing, when a line is too tight & it hurts, best let go!
I am massively off-track from my training leading to my upcoming climb but I am also making some life changing events. So stay tuned & watch this space as the BIG YAY unravel itself.
I don’t believe there’s God but I believe there are angels who hear me out & pull me up when I am falling so far down that I see no light. Up to you to define angels but I have learned to call upon, trust & believe in them. Or perhaps I am always a VERY LUCKY GIRL who truly believes in never giving up & creating my own destiny in life!
After the series of events unfolded, the word for August that popped into my head should be none other than Nankurunaisa. It means “everything will be alright.” As I learned about Kaizen, Kanban, Kieretsu & eventually Karoshi (a word that never fails to make of my Japanese friends laugh), I think I should adopt Nankurunaisa as my renewed life mantra. Just smile today, tomorrow & for yesterday. Well, if you don’t understand, ask Google because as Rumi puts it “What you seek is seeking you.” ❤