Rambling #13 – It’s Payback Time!

me, me, mE, MOM, ME – This was my past 5 years with the mountains. Once a upon a time the lost soul in a broken heart & now revamped with some supped up VaVaVOOM that my Director at work wonders if I sleep & my coach thinks I fly helicopters on Wednesdays. (Oh I WISH!)

1 Peak, 1 week, 1 Day, 1 Pick, 1 Kick, 1 Breath at a time & REPEAT

March momentum is spinning strong, just as I expected it to be. The wheels are rolling & the engine is working overtime. I could feel the strong G-force in acceleration being the pilot of the supped up VaVaVOOM. So what will I do with the “Upgraded” Me?

And HEY! Its Everest season again & everyone is getting real busy if not yet departed for the start of the season. I was thinking to myself – if I have unlimited resources today – skills, money, time… which would I pick? Everest or K2? And why? Little Mausi’s Leprachaun friend says “K2 in Winter”. No one has conquered that until today. He knows I am the true adventurer at heart. I enjoy uncharted territories where one can live to tell the tale.

Looking at the stats (you can do your own research… just ask Google) & recalling past conversations I’ve had with my adventurer friends (some who are extremely capable physically, mentally, financially)… been there, done that to at least 5 of the 7 summits of the World… if you break it down, all you need is endurance, time & money to achieve most of it… but these people, almost superhuman in my eyes with their admirable leadership in life said NO to Everest… Why? It got me thinking… I heard their explanations & reasonings.. So why do we climb? What’s the purpose for such a humongous effort & risky investment? Is it for ego & bragging rights? OR Is it for the true spirit of adventure & climbing as a sport? Or nothing else but for yourself because its your dream in life before its too late?

I think I have found my answer and because of that, I have decided to give back the goodness I have received in the past, making a real difference to many lives & passing on the positive Karma. I already have a Positive Karma onboard my game plan. I don’t think I need a lot more. If I can do more for myself now, I can certainly do more for others. That is Mommy Tan’s theory of simple bare necessities & philosophies of life. I did not plan for this in 2019 but it’s happening so I’ll accept it with grace & sincerity.

On my last trip home, Mom brought up this subject again. She said, “So you’re going somewhere there again. Why are you not bringing more with you when YOU KNOW what they really need & how hard life is!” Guilty… she won’t let go of her point of view & it continues to haunt my conscience. Its true especially when I can do MORE & am no longer the sick person in the Himalayas. It’s minimal cost & effort to me yet HUGE impact to someone’s life. There is no corporate BS & politics, no self promotion or getting lost somewhere in the chain.

My call for collecting winter clothing have gained such traction that I have surprised myself. What have I done? Just 2 emails to Singapore Airlines & a few posts on Facebook, then everything drops at my doorstep. Something that would have taken at least a month’s worth of a mountain person’s salary carrying 30kg of load & a few days of walking through the valleys, hills & barren fields to get 1 piece of whatever I’m getting. Mom is so right & so is my NGO Bestie who have always said to me “Be the money maker you are & leave the NGO to me because we always need someone like you to drive the GREATER GOOD.”

1st Load of Winter Clothes – Certainly outdoorsy & durable!

There will always doubters, haters, nay-sayers, believers, supporters, lovers & admirers in whatever you do & I think people get lost in this crazy maze & madness of chasing fame & fortune. People who only see success in the size of the house, the type of car that is driven, $$$ & the tip of the iceberg. And to some, once they have it, fundamentals of how they got there are often conveniently forgotten. You’ll know what I mean if you’ve watched The Greatest Showman. What I do know is, I have learned to trust my inner compass, believe in my core family values & listen to my heart to relentlessly chase my dreams in life. Because of that, everyone including Mommy Tan, for the first time in many years, the one who have always said that I needed patience & anger management, told me “You’ve changed.”

She’s right again. Mom is always right. The Mommy Magic is a true phenomena. I’m so very proud of myself this month because I walked away in a heated situation in my corporate world without feeling a pinch of anger, stress, vengeance or negativity. It also doesn’t mean I have lost my fire. While on my way home, happily eating my ice cream that day, it suddenly hit me “WoW how did you do that today Xjilien Tan! Congratulations!!!” In fact, I couldn’t stop giggling the next day when I have to go to work to face the music & then Oh DEAR! I set my entire team on a giggling fit as if I was playing clown in a circus. More aptly, I’d like to be the Wolf in this picture.

In my past persona, it is the kind of situation I’d fight & be dawned with negativity & hatred because I’m not wrong either. I take 101% full ownership & accountability for my projects just like how Karma Sherpa takes full ownership & accountability for mine & Tenji’s life. But today, it doesn’t cost me much to give someone else the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know their journey, neither here to judge nor understand their life story but through climbing mountains & racing boats, I’ve learned to “Move with STRATEGY & NOT EMOTIONS.” That’s why I’m with the inspiring Leaders (not bosses – there is a difference!), Skippers & the Sherpas I choose to be with today.

So, I should start truly believing & living what my parents have always told me so – Made from adventures (HAHA), Built for adventures & so I shouldn’t be afraid to Live my adventure!!! So let’s go out & play!!! There’s really so much out there for me to discover & be happy with that I’m not sure if I can experience it all with only this 1 single lifetime!! I think I’ve made a 10 year head start to chase my dreams & have at least 30 more years of fit & healthy me to live the life of my dreams!!! ❤

Wolf is a symbol of guardianship, ritual, loyalty, and spirit. Wolf has the ability to make quick and firm emotional attachments, and often need to trust their own instincts. Thus they teach us to do the same, to trust our hearts and minds, and have control over our own lives.


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